Painfully Good Looking Men In My Life

There needs to be less of them. I just want all of them far too much to be healthy. ACK.

That moment when

You just met someone at an event who you think is really awesome. You friend them on facebook, then post on their wall (like you did with everyone you met) a really long and involved message about how you enjoyed meeting them.

Then response you get is, "Nice meeting you too."




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I don't even remember that.

So I decided to go back and read some of my older posts because I might have been a little bored... I was going through some of the posts about boys after I had stopped putting in names because some very immature person decided to go TELL the person I was writing about that I was writing about them... I didn't let anyone read my blog for a while after that either. But anyways. I was reading some posts that didn't have names and I realized that I don't remember who I was writing about.

There are some things I wrote about that I don't even remember happening.

There was one post that detailed when I was dancing with someone and singing and said to them, "I'm sorry if my singing is bothering you." "Yes, it is bothering me. It's so gorgeous that it's completely distracting me from my dancing." So that made me smile a bit to reread it, and I realized I haven't spoken to the person who said that since that happened, like 2 and a half years ago. Huh. 



Kinda random post, but that's what happens sometimes. Until later my pretties.

So there's this dude.

He's almost painfully cute. Yes. Painfully. Looking at him feels so good, but at the same time hurts because I can't be with him the way I'd like to. He;s going to be leaving soon so he doesn't want to have a relationship. But who needs relationships? There can be fun without any of the strings attached. We all know this! It is a known fact. But he doesn't want to disappoint anyone. Well, he did disappoint people, including me. I wouldn't even care for REAL relationship, I just wanted to feel him with me, feel his lips on mine, his body pressed against mine...

But it will never be. He mentioned he's still head over heals for another girl back home and that makes me feel like nothing could ever happen with him no matter what... He's just too early on in his life to believe this stuff. I used to believe it, everyone knows I did! I believed it for so long and so hard that it threw so many other parts of my life into the dust in it's wake. But now I'm over that. I like fun. I like no strings attached. Given, yes, I want the strings. But if given the choice of no strings or nothing at all, I'll choose no strings. No feelings. No later or future or again, I'll live with it for the once. It's better than nothing.

They always say, it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, and I am a firm believer in such things.



Someday I will find my strings.

I Messed Up

So, I started getting really close to this guy. Not romantically, nothing like that, but still really close. I assumed he was into me, because, come on, who wouldn't be... Or at least that's what I try to tell myself. Anyways. We would talk all day every day at work online about lots of stuff. We made lots of plans for visits and events. He was supposed to come up for an event... but I realized earlier in that week that it would be more fun and less awkward to bring a GIRL, rather than a guy. I tried to offer him a bunch of ways out, but he never accepted. He just insisted he was coming, even though it turned out to be way out of the way. So I guess, in a way, this one event turned the entire visit into me being unhappy with him.

It didn't help that he was about 2 hours late. So the entire time he was visiting, I was just unhappy with him and snippy and ignoring him when we were around other people. It was terrible. And whenever he visits he just shares my bed and we cuddle. So I guess this might have been an odd friendship in the first place. So go back to my house and get in bed and I all of the sudden just want to be alone. I don't want to be sharing the bed at all. It made it a night where neither of us really slept because I couldn't get comfortable without rubbing up against him in some way. And this was not a good tension. It was bad tension. And I'm sure he could feel it too, but he didn't mention anything.

This went on for a while more, I would be snippy online when we chatted during the day at work and things just weren't going well at all. Then we had a trip to go out of town together, which thankfully a girl friend of mine joined in. He was late getting to my house to leave. Again. So again, I wasn't happy with him, on top of the already existent bad tension. It was not looking up. The weekend was alright, but I just didn't want to be around him at all. Then at some point, him and my girl friend got really buddy buddy. We picked up a stray person who needed a ride back so they ended up in the back seat together on the drive. I was driving, so I couldn't turn around and chat with them. When the stray decided to take a nap, I was stuck "alone" in the front seat with no one to talk to. They were both mumbling at things on their phones then laughing and I felt totally isolated. It's not enough that I feel totally isolated most of the time anyways... I don't feel like I fit in with any of the groups I'm a part of. I don't really fit perfectly with my coworkers, though I am starting to get to know them a little better NOW, which is good. I never fit with the dancers, because I wasn't the perfect little person they wanted. I don't fit in a lot of groups because they get annoyed with me before they can get to know me. They don't like people who are loud and seize attention from the room. So the trip was half okay, and half terrible. My radio stopped working halfway through too.

The next week I texted him asking why he hadn't been online at all and that it was lame. He responded much later that we needed to have a serious talk. Now, this is where I exeunt stage left. Serious talk is not a thing I like to take part in. I like to run away and pretend it doesn't need to happen. I'm terrible at serious talks. I always try to say what they want to hear and end up saying things that just make it worse. Then I try to fix what I just said and make it worse... It's not pretty. I'm terrible with words. Fact. I couldn't talk my way out of a car chase with the fastest car ever made. But that's besides the point. If I'm terrible at having these talks, I for surely don't want to have it where I won't have time to thing. Texting or emailing would be best. Yes, I'm a wimp.

So we had terrible texting arguments. Finally, I was like, I'm not going to try to explain myself anymore, I'm not going to be able to talk myself out of this even if I was completely innocent. Which obviously, I am not. I'm not going to try to explain my reasoning because you wouldn't understand. And then, I'm not going to try to make it work because I have too much pride and saying sorry isn't really something I do for snapping at people. It hurts my soul. Blackens it.



So I didn't try. Rather than trying to fix the problem, I pushed it away and ignored it. I hadn't really talked to him at all except he messaged me randomly online at work and I gave short answers. I wasn't going to have a fun conversation and let him slip in actual issues! No, that's not really how it works, but it felt weird to talk to him as we used it. Our friendship felt completely broken.





I'm not really sure how to fix it, but I'm not sure I want to. If I flip flopped from happy around him to perpetually annoyed at him in just a couple months, there is no point in even trying to stay friends. There is no way that is going to work out. I'm not willing to put in a bunch of effort for someone I barely know. Especially someone I don't have a huge urge to be around either. I'm not really sure how to feel about this. A part of me is sad, but the other part just wishes it would all go away.





Could I have lost a lasting good friend, just because I am too willful, prideful, and lazy?

What Once Was

He used to be so into me. He seriously had the hots for me. But then he started becoming less of the awkward guy I first met and more of the confident guy I could be attracted too. It's really too bad I realized this and he was no longer interested. I mentioned to him that this had happened and he didn't know what to tell me, giving me the answer I was looking for, that he really wasn't interested.

I saw him a couple days later and we were hanging out at his house with a couple other people, drinking a beer and chatting. I started off at the opposite side of the couch then ended up sitting in a part of the U shaped 5 section couch with empty sections on either side of me. He got up at some point and came and took the section next to me. Over the course of the next hour I cuddled in closer then when I got up and came back really got in close. He had is arm across my chest with his hand cupping my breast. I didn't mind. I was single and I enjoy cuddling and physical contact. I was okay the way that things had progressed and would be totally okay and happy if they progressed further, but nothing happened. After a while, people got tired and went home followed by him wanting to go to bed so I left. I got a hug and I walked out the door feeling a little confused and hoping for more in the future.

We set up a time to hang out again before I disappear for a while and decide to have dinner. We walk down to a restaurant close to his house and have a nice chill dinner including beer and good conversation. We go back to his room and his roommate and a friend are smoking. He joins in, leaving me to be the only person in the house not getting baked. We mildly cuddle on the couch a bit and I play with his hair but nothing compared to the last time. Not even close. I was disappointed with this. It turned into everyone being baked but me and hanging out on the couch, still only mild cuddling. I was snuggled under his arm, but he didn't have his arm around me. This was much different than the other day. The other day it seemed he couldn't wait to get his hands on me, I thought maybe it was how it used to be. But this night was totally different. I had to make all of the efforts for any physical contact.

It kind of makes me wish he hadn't been smoking because maybe then his attitude towards me would have been different. I'm not really sure what he's like when he's baked versus what he's like when he's not, he could have had a change of heart. How am I to know.

I end up leaving that night with just a hug and I kiss him on the neck, which was a substitute for the cheek since I couldn't reach. He returns the hug and watches as I get my stuff together. I put my 4in heels back on and give him another hug, my mouth going from neck height to ear height. I didn't try and kiss there because I was already feeling a little off from his lack of interest. I walked out the door again feeling confused and now lost and lonely.

A part of me wishes he had asked me to stay the night, not for any sexual reasons but just for cuddling. But he doesn't, either time. A part of me is craving that kind of contact but I'm not sure where to get it. I enjoyed that with my last boyfriend but haven't had it since and it leaves a little to be desired.

I wonder if he could feel the same way as he did back at the beginning, totally into me. I would reciprocate it this time. He's no longer the guy that took me on one of the most awkward dates I've ever been on. Now he's the guy who I can go on a date (or not really a date) with and have a good time, laugh, and have good conversation with. And that's what I'm looking for in a date anyways.

He morphed into someone I wanted to have relations with, but he no longer wants relations with me and I guess that's the hard part.



Accepting that what once was is no longer, and there's nothing I can do about it.

Her

Your phone starts vibrating, obviously more than just a text message. A call is coming in. You look at it as you stand up to leave the room to take the call. The way you say hi says nothing for who you are talking to, but I can't help thinking its her. Her. The girl that loves you still even after you broke her heart. The girl that you weren't so sure you loved, weren't so sure if you still loved her. I can't help thinking that you started falling out of love with her when you met me, but I am so similar to her. Same basic body type, Quirky, Silly, and you say adorable. But right now you're talking to her. You talking to her doesn't bother me except when you try to hide it. You ran out of my house without your keys, without your shoes, without your wallet and when I go outside I can't find you anywhere. I don't want to walk around trying to find you because chances are I won't find you and you will beat me back here. I don't want to drive around trying to find you for the same reason.

It's freaking me out! What if you're out there, talking to her, talking about how it was all a big mistake? You're with me know and I'm so happy for that, but if you're talking to her I can't help but think that you want to go back to her. You said so yourself that you miss her... I don't know what I would do if you left me.

Maybe I'm worrying for nothing. Maybe I'm just being silly. I can't help but think that bad things are happening out there though. The fact that I don't know kills me more than anything else.



Don't leave me, I'm not sure I would come out of it whole.

Probably shouldn't even be thinking right now because I should be asleep

I feel like all of my life choices were either decided by my parents or influenced by my parents values, throwing me into a career that I'm not entirely sure I will like or even be able to tolerate. So many of the possibilities I had were shot down because I didn't think it was possible, didn't think they would approve or didn't think it was socially acceptable. It makes me wonder what would have happened if I had found my own way, asserting my own personal values and figuring out what I really wanted. As it is, I'm terrified that I'm going to lock myself into a life that I will hate and I will regret every moment of it. Not to mention the sinking feeling that I've let multiple dreams pass me by because I failed to pursue them.

You know

your relationship status has reached an all time low when you are looking through pictures of your male (being female myself of course) friend's significant other and thinking about how she is not good enough for him. When you start thinking about how much better you could be for them. When you start thinking, "If I were dating him, I would never hold him back like that" or "I would never be so jealous about things that he can't live his life normally" and picking out every little thing that she does that he has to deal with.



I think it's time I found a significant other of some sort.

Wow

Okay, it's been a while since I've signed on. A lot has happened since then.


A couple things: I started working at Panera. I worked for about 3 weeks and then went on my epic road trip. I drove to Chico first, danced there and met a couple cook people and hung out with some super awesome people. Then, on to Portland. I was there for two consecutive weekends of dancing. I decided to go to Seattle for 2 days in the week between them and danced up there too. All in all, I drove over 2000 miles, danced 11 nights in a row, and met so many people I can't even count. After that, I was back in SLO for a couple days then SF for another dance thing, which was also fun. And now back in SLO.

While in SLO for those 3 days, I decided that I wasn't going to think about kissing the boy anymore, I was going to kiss him. So I did. And we spend two days kissing, and then I left again.

Now I'm back. I got fired from Panera this morning and all I want to do is either drink everything away or get out of town. Kind of depressing, ey? There is another dance thing this weekend in LA that I'm thinking about going to... The only thing is that if I go, I'm just spending more money that I no longer have the income to replace. I'm scrambling around trying to find another job, but pretty much I just feel worthless and pitiful. Want to know what I did today? I watched 4 episodes of Doctor Who and an episode of Torchwood (staying in order of air dates, of course). And I started making the pillow for the needle point I finished a year ago. And I drove around for about 50 miles after walking out of Panera to try to clear my head.

I'm a mess. I can't think straight... I'm not sure I want to. When they told me that I was no longer an employee of [insert franchise name here], I pretty much went into shock. I walked out in a daze, trying to make it so no body could see me. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to fall into outer space. I got fired. I've never been fired before! No warning, no slap on the wrist, fired. And that's that. I can never work at a Panera ever again. Ever. This was my safety. And I really liked this job. And you ask, what could you have done that got you fired? It's too embarrassing to even tell. I'm ashamed that it got to that... The managers said that it wasn't personal, but it was. It was nothing against my character and I was a great associate. But it was against something that is a part of character. I can't change who I am for a job, right? I was let off from my one day job at the bookstore warehouse because I talked too much and I was too loud and the managers didn't like that. Maybe I'm not meant to hold down a real job... *sigh* At least I got a good amount of money out of it. Now I just need to make sure that I conserve it until I find another job. No crazy money spending. And I really shouldn't travel any more, even though that's all I really want to do right now. Get out of town. Disappear of the face of the earth. If the Tardis appeared in my front lawn right now, I would hop in in a heart beat, no second thoughts.



I guess I'm being a little over dramatic... but I'm upset. I'm allowed to be upset.

Finals!

They are this week. Kinda crazy.

I have 4 classes:
1 Online Final due last Thursday
1 Take home Final due tomorrow (already done)
1 Final Monday (Done)
1 Final Thursday

You're thinking, only one left! Woohoo! But no. That one Final left is in the most hellish time consuming, confusing, getting points off and not knowing why, frustrating class ever. I've failed both of the midterms, 5 points below average on the first and 5 points above average on the second. I'm not sure if this teacher curves the final grade, but I have a feeling that I've heard somewhere that he doesn't. Which would reaaaaally suck.

First off, the class for Fall quarter is already full with a waiting list. Also, two of the classes I'm supposed to be taking in Fall need this class as a prerequisite. So I would have to drop out of those.

Lets just say I'm a little nervous that I'm going to fail this class. Hopefully I wouldn't be held back a year because of that, that would really suck.



I would say wish me luck, but I'm not really sure if that is going to do any good.

My Project

So, I met a guy and we had coffee. It went really well, so we set up another time to hang out. He ended up staying the night that night and we had some to drink. With the drink came more flow of conversation, some about topics that I would never say if I wasn't a bit inebriated. Some of this being about sexual topics. I confessed something that I wouldn't typically say, and he decided that he was going to figure out how to make that happen for me. I was going to be his project.

Now, I'm not really sure how I feel about someone experimenting with me and trying to figure out what works and what doesn't work. I guess that would seem less weird to me if we were in a serious relationship or married or something. But we're not. I wouldn't even say we're dating. We're hanging out. I suppose that under different circumstances, his willingness and desire to figure me out would be romantic or a turn on. But in this situation, it just made me nervous. Maybe I'm just not comfortable enough with him yet. That is very possible. It's possible that after some time I would feel more comfortable, but who knows.



It still feels a bit weird to me just thinking about it.

So much cute

To any new readers that may have picked up my website from my facebook: please disregard any old posts that have names attached to them that you may recognize. From now on, I will not be using any names so people stay anonymous, whether they know who they are or not. One time is enough for someone telling the guy I was raving about what I was talking about. These are not really serious ravings, but I guess it may look kind of like that. I rave here because there really isn't any other outlet for it. Most of what I say is gotten off my chest and forgotten within a week or so. You have no idea what it feels like when the guy I was raving about 2 weeks before pulls me aside, saying that he was pointed to my blog and he doesn't feel the same way. AWKWARD! Of course, he's not going to believe me when I say that I don't really feel that way anymore... But whatever.


On to more exciting things.


I've seemed to be meeting a ton of really good looking guys lately. Which is troublesome because I am so unbelievably shallow and good looks kind of make me melt. There has been a lot of melting going on. Sometimes I can't help but squeal a little bit when I think about them. I can't help smiling when I see them.

But my flirting is at absolute zero. That is also proving troublesome.

Maybe that's why I haven't really been in a relationship since Josh and I broke up April of 2009. Or maybe I'm incapable of having dancing and relationships in my life at the same time. Or maybe I don't feel like I need a relationship as much when I'm dancing. Sure, I'm always going to want to have an emotional connection with someone, but the need for physical contact is satisfied by dancing. Yay blues! Maybe that's why I like it so much... Haha!


And when there is a cute one that is a dancer... or multiple cute dancers... Heehee


And sigh.



However, you can't always have what you yearn for. Thus is life.

What do you do

When the person you like doesn't like you back? How about when they say they just want to be friends? What do you do when you believe that certain romantic happenings are going to go on between you and the person you like but it will mean absolutely nothing to them?

You grin and bear it. You make it mean nothing. You get over it and get on with your life.

Or, you secretly fall deeply in love with them behind their backs, wishing in vain that they would someday see that they feel the same for you.




But that's silly. Why would anyone sane ever do something like that?

Sad Panda

Six Flags trip was canceled. It was supposed to be raining. There is no point in going to an amusement park when it's raining! That's just no fun. All the roller coasters would be closed because of rain and I don't want to only ride the kiddie rides all day! We're gonna go during winter break sometime. We have to use the tickets before the new year. So that should be fun!

I had a pretty good weekend so far despite the lacking of six flags. I had a friend over last night and he ended up sleeping over, so that was fun. It's always nice to wake up next to someone. That's for sure! We also watched Ninja Assassin last night, and that was a good bit of epic gore. But it was cool. I approve. Then today I had a pure romance party which only a couple people came to, but we still had a really good time. I then hung out with one of the attendees, got an early dinner and hung out at her house for an hour. We played a short game of Dokapon Kingdom. Fun fun fun. :) Another good thing was I got to see the guy I like on Friday. But he needs a name, not just "the guy I like". Hmm... Lets see... Lets call him Guy, like in that one movie... was it Never been Kissed with Drew Barrymore? Whatever. Some guy... his name is Guy. And we're going to call this guy Guy as well. Ready, break. So, I had lunch with Guy Friday afternoon. That was really tasty. After that was when my other friend came over. But I have to admit, I would have much rather hang out and cuddle all night with Guy than my other friend. I'm not sure if he's into that though. I keep imagining what it will be like if he were to make a move. There are a lot of difference scenarios that like to run through my head! I'm not at the point where I feel like I need to tell him I like him or I'll burst, but I definitely like him. I really like hanging out with him as friends, but I want there to be more too. We just click really well and have done so since the beginning. That's how it's supposed to be, right?

Well tonight is blues and I'm trying to get Guy to come. I should do some homework (even though hw for this class isn't due) but I'm really unproductive right now. Oh well.

SIX FLAGS!

Next week. Six Flags trip. VERY EXCITING! They don't have any new rides since the last time I've been there, but this is still going to be a lot of fun. Right now it's me Mat and Colin, which shall be interesting. Me and Colin are very close and cuddly, and that makes Mat uncomfortable. Which makes sense because it's very obvious to people who don't even know him that he really likes me. He's not very good at hiding it. Oh well. What can they do, most guys are easy reader books. Running around all day with Colin is going to be really fun. I've spent a lot of time with him lately and we just really hit it off. It's really great. I'm glad I got to know him.

I was talking to this guy yesterday and today. The conversation was pretty interesting... Yesterday while he was drunk I mentioned that I will be 21 in a month and we should drink together then. He then claimed that if we drank together he would make a move on me. I'm not really sure what that means to him; would he start flirting, try to kiss me, or try to get into my pants? The world will never know. I guess I'll have to see. I told him that I think I could handle it. He said that he was sure that I could. Ha. We were then talking about Six Flags and I invited him to come. It would be really interesting to have him, Mat, and Colin all in the same car for 3 hours down to LA and back. They are all so completely different and I hope that they wouldn't clash. I know Colin and Mat get along well enough and Colin gets a lot with pretty much anybody. But Mat and this guy... I'm not sure. He's not really sure he can come at this point, he has to see what time he needs to be back on Sunday. I assured him we could change our departure time to adjust for his time frame. And if he came it would just be a sausage fest. Me plus three other guys. Yay? Or testosterone overload.


We shall see!

I'm mad at him

I'm mad at him because I liked him for so long and it went away. I started seeing him again, and it started coming back. But I don't want to to. I'm mad at him because he likes someone else now, or at least it seems very obvious that he does. He likes someone else and I feel like I'm getting neglected because of it. I'm mad at him because I liked him so much and got so hurt because of it. I'm mad at him because I feel like I wasted a couple months of my life on that. And finally I'm mad at him because he never liked me.


On a happier note, I had a Harry Potter Movie a thon yesterday (Harrython) and it was a lot of fun. We ate lots of snacks and not really a good meal the entire day. Yay...? The final two movies will be watched on Sunday. And the midnight showing is next week! Yay. Next week I'm making a trip down to LA to go to Six Flags. That should be really fun.




Anyways, ANGST! Okay, I'll good now.

Not so Great

So, I made a post recently (the most recent one) about how life was going pretty well and I was happy with the progression. Now, not so much. The classes I thought I was doing okay in... Not so good. So far I have taken 6 midterms, plus another tomorrow. Of those 6, one was awesome: perfect score. The others, not so great. The one I took today, I don't have high hopes for it. The others: 71 and 55. Given, the average for the 55 class was only a 68. But still. 55 does not make me happy in any way. The one tomorrow I feel like I will do okay, that's the perfect score class, but the material has gotten significantly harder since the last midterm. I'm really not sure how this one will go. After this, that's all for the test phase until Finals week. That is going to be... well... Fun. If by fun, you mean the complete and utter lack of fun.

As for relationships go, my sex life has slowed down a bit. The guy I was fooling around with has stopped piquing my interest, but I might go back if I get especially horny one day. There are a couple of guys I like, one in particular more than the others but I'm keeping my options open. The one I like is tall, dark, and handsome. Well, he's kinda cute. But his personality is great, and I absolutely melt when he smiles. He's the kind of guy that can make me burst out laughing with very little effort, and that's pretty much what I'm looking for. I like laughing. Laughing is good. It frees the soul. Or whatever. Anyways... I'm not sure he likes me, but I'm just going to ride it out and see what happens. I plan to hang out with him more one on one at some point, but being really busy and trying to plan things at the same time makes that a bit difficult. It'll happen sometime. We mentioned that our jokes are starting to get old and we need new ones, but that means we need to hang out more. He agreed. That's a good sign. Him agreeing that we should hang out, I mean.

Dancing is always good. I was on a swing haitus for a bit and wasn't getting into it as much, but I got it back this weekend and had an awesome time at Madonna yesterday. I'm not really into WCS at all lately... It's just really not my thing at all. And of course, blues is always good. I really don't enjoy Saturday nights as much as I used to, but that's why I'm glad that we have Wednesdays. Wednesdays are always phenomenal, as long as there are enough leads. Normally the music is better as well. Which is also nice. This week we are starting 30 minutes early and doing a practica, where you have to bring your own partner. I asked the guy who's house it is held at and he said yes, which is happy. I have a partner! Yay. This is also the guy that I think may possibly have a thing for me. We have really good dances that are sometimes a bit closer than I feel he dances with other girls. But I'm not sure. We also had a really stimulating dance Friday at the Halloween party when I was a bit on the tipsy side. By stimulating I mean that it was just really close and a pretty sexy dance. I may have also felt that way because I was a bit on the tipsy side. Who knows. It was a good dance. I'm not really sure where I would go with that if anything every came from that relationship. I'm not sure if I like him in that way. I'm not specifically attracted to him, but he's a nice guy and it maybe could work... I'm really not sure. I would have to see. But it probably wouldn't come around, so I really don't have to worry about it. It's fun to think about though. It's always fun to think about :)



All in all, dancing is good, School is worrying the crap out of me, and I'm too busy for my own good. I'm staying sane. Somehow.

Anyways

Life is pretty good right now. I'm doing well enough in all of my classes, I get invited to enough parties to settle my subconscious from thinking that nobody likes me, and I have enough sexual activity that I'm not going out of my mind.



And as always, Dancing is good. Dancing is what really keeps me sane.

I'm being Healthy.

I have a healthy crush for once. I nice, healthy crush that doesn't crush me to think about. A nice boy that doesn't seem to have any random strings that come along with him. A dancer, which is nice, but not one that I particularly like dancing with. He's still new, but he'll get better. Also, a boy that I know almost absolutely nothing about but want to get to know better. I don't even know how old he is. Or if he actually lives in SLO or in the surrounding cities. Or if he's still in college. He's cute, and looks absolutely harmless. He doesn't seem like the kind of boy who would hurt me, but then again none of them do.

Step 1: Find out how old boy is.
Step 2: Initiate conversation.
Step 3: Figure out of those lingering glances from Monday meant anything. Maybe he thinks I'm cute. That's a start!


Its nice to have a crush on someone and not feel like it will never happen or they're way out of my league. It feels nice.




EDIT: Boy is dating another girl. Sucks for me.