He was right

He was right the entire time. It was for my own good, and I should have listened. I wanted too much and in the end I will end up hurting myself way more than if I had just let go. But I'm totally lost. No, not yet. There are greater things in my life than being on the verge of loving someone who doesn't love me but still lays with me for a night. There are greater things than someone who makes me happy but doesn't feel the same way for me. There are greater things than just him. And I will find them. I will find a way to make myself happy without needing someone else, and I will be an independent woman.

I don't need him to make me happy. I just like it when he does. And it feels nice. But I can love someone else. Someone who loves me. Or at least someone who is capable of loving me. Someone who wants to drop everything to drive across the country with me. Someone who, in the heat of passion, makes sure than I'm okay before continuing. Someone who treats me right, even though he can be the most insufferable human being in the world.




I will get through this. And I will be stronger by the end of it.

It's for your own good

He doesn't want to kiss me because he doesn't want me to fall in love with him.
--- I told him I was too in love with Cory to fall in love with him. Which is partly true. You can love more than one person at a time, and I know that I have in the past. And I might now. But for now, I don't love him. I just like him. Quite a bit. But still.

He doesn't want to have sex with me because then he would be connected to me, and he doesn't love me.
--- He's a virgin, so I told him to go have sex with her, and then come back. He said no, claiming that it would still tie him to me.

He likes it when I fight and is totally turned on by a lot of the things I do, but he's not attracted to me. I don't understand. I wish I could just be witchy and charm him into liking me. My life would be easier with magic.




I should really stop reading fantasy books. Makes me want things I can't have.