Roommates

So, today I bought a huge thing, 6 lbs, of ground beef so that roommie would have meat to make baked ziti for everyone tonight. I realized after calculating how much meat he was using and how much was going to be used tonight that I could feed 5-10 people burgers with the leftovers. I told Roommie that he could just pay me $3 for what he's using and the rest would be fine. He then got really annoyed with me that I was making house food so much more complicated.

It's really not that hard. He has no right to get so annoyed with me over that. I realized that it was going to weird living with him, but I didn't think it was going to be this weird.

He's incapable of cleaning anything well, and complains about not using the dish washer, even though nobody else uses it. It really doesn't make any sense to run dishwasher loads when it's not even half fun.




Okay that's the end of my rant. El Fin.

I'm Completely Incapable

I seriously can't sit still today. I'm having lots of problems. Sitting through classes has become very difficult for me, and I'm not sure I can make it through the rest of this class. I only have at most an hour left, but I can't do it! I need out now!!!




Ugh. Philosophy. Die.

I Remember

Little things keep reminding me of him. I told myself that I wouldn't mope, and I would move on. I would find a summer fling, meet a new boy and forget about him. At least for a little while. Well, I don't think that plan is working out quite as well as I could like it to. "Teardrop" by Massive Attack was playing last night and blues and I immediately got up and looked for him before really realizing what I was doing. I ended up dancing with someone else, obviously, but I felt really empty about it. For some reason, even though he didn't even introduce me to that song, it always reminds me of him. Maybe because he was the guy that was always like, "hey, this is by massive attack!" and we had plans to make an A Capella version of it. That hasn't happened yet. Maybe in the fall.

The fall brings a lot of maybe's. Maybe we'll get back together. Maybe we'll get closer. Maybe I won't be in love with him anymore. Who knows, I guess we'll find out.

Another song came on that reminds me of him and just makes me want to dance with him more than anything: "Carmel Prisoner" by Air. I miss him so much it almost hurts. But classes are starting early tomorrow morning, so I'm not going to have time to think about him. I'm not going to have time to miss him. I'm not going to have time to mope over him.



Maybe that's for the best.

It's not so bad

Really. It's not as bad as I expected it would be. Blues was not weird without him even though it would have been nice if he was there, seeing as how there weren't enough leads. I didn't have any specifically amazing dances either, but that wasn't something that I really noted, just realized later. I am very happy I got to say goodbye to him so many times though. I saw him on Monday once, and twice on Tuesday. I joked that I should find a reason to see him on Wednesday just to say goodbye one last time, but I didn't. I almost wish that I had, but I won't be greedy.

My entire room is packed up save for the clothing. It looks weird and empty. I made this room my home for the last 9 months and now I'm just going to pack up and leave. I will always remember you, Aliso 412B. The only thing constant in my room that was here before I started packing a couple hours ago is the furniture and my laptop. I love you laptop, you bring order into my life.

I realized about 20 minutes ago that I needed to print a parking pass so that we can park close when we're moving out tomorrow that my printer was in a box. On the bottom of a pile of boxes. *sigh* I went into Paul's room and of course, the one minute he decides to be busy is when I need something from him. After standing around for a couple minutes I went back to my room telling him to come get me when he was done. He hasn't come get me yet... I will get this printed!! Or we will not be very happy later when we can't park on the main level and have to take a second elevator with all my stuff to get to the car. That just would not be the most convenient of occurrences ever... yeah...

There is so much food in our fridge. And in my cabinet. I don't know how it's all going to get to the new house... and I think a lot of it will get left there. I just finished my milk!!! At least that's a plus.




Moving out at 2pm tomorrow. Should be fun.

Attached

Being attached to someone who does not reciprocate this feeling is hard. But I'll get through it. The summer will be long and hard, filled with days and nights where I will turn around and swear its him, only to take a second look and realize it's not, and there is no way it could be him. Every week is going to be filled with dance events that would be better if he was there. Every night there will be a cold bed that I wish he would help warm, even if that made it way too warm and got my bed all wet. I can handle that too.

We didn't even get one last night before he leaves, and he doesn't want to. He just wants some space. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I pushed him too far and he doesn't want to see me anymore. Not like we were "seeing each other" in the common dating sense, but we hung out and literally "saw" each other occasionally. And I am going to deeply miss that.

I was talking to another friend of mine and claimed that I need to find a summer fling to help me forget him. Said friend, who was a guy, then asked if that was a not so subtle hint. I told him, no, and no offense. I really need to find a guy that will take my mind off of him. A guy to have a crush on, to think of at night. And maybe a new cuddle buddy. Maybe when he comes back over the summer I'll make him jealous with my new guy. Or my new cuddle buddy. Or whatever there is. Or maybe he'll just come back and I'll run into his arms crying about how much I missed him when he was gone.

That would be pretty pathetic. Lets avoid that.

I could always cuddle with before mentioned friend, that always works. We're pretty close... and I wouldn't mind having a mini fling with him, but he would never take my mind off of him. I just don't like him like that. I need the anxious, heart wrenching crush to make me forget. Or at least to channel the energy in another direction. Maybe if I learned how to control this energy, it would make my life a lot easier. But who wants easy? It's more exciting this way. Yay for exciting?



I feel like I'm going to fail my Fluids class... but at least now it's over. I took the final today, and I'm happy I don't have to worry about it anymore, but I'm kinda worried i may need to worry about it for another quarter. That would not make a happy camper. Also, this final made me miss dancing at Madonna. Not so happy about that either. But that couldn't be fixed. Another final 7-10 pm tomorrow and Wednesday. Again, not a very happy camper. And then the easiest final on Friday, with an extra day to study in between. I would love to take Thursday off and just veg out, but I should probably study. Maybe I'll take the text book down to the pool and read. When I get too hot I'll just jump in and swim around for a while. Maybe I can wear my new swim suit and get a tan!

By this point he'll be gone. And my heart will likely be aching. *oww*

He's not even staying long enough to come to blues on Wednesday night. I don't know what's up with him. He claims that he's still hungover from Friday and tired. He just needs to get home as soon as possible. Maybe I should just stop talking to him now before he leaves so that when he leaves its not a huge jolt. That would be really painful. Blues is not going to be the same without him. It's going to be like something is missing. And something WILL be missing.

This sucks. I need to stop sulking. Okay, new guy, I'm ready to be found!




I'm ready when you are, come and get it.