Attached

Being attached to someone who does not reciprocate this feeling is hard. But I'll get through it. The summer will be long and hard, filled with days and nights where I will turn around and swear its him, only to take a second look and realize it's not, and there is no way it could be him. Every week is going to be filled with dance events that would be better if he was there. Every night there will be a cold bed that I wish he would help warm, even if that made it way too warm and got my bed all wet. I can handle that too.

We didn't even get one last night before he leaves, and he doesn't want to. He just wants some space. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I pushed him too far and he doesn't want to see me anymore. Not like we were "seeing each other" in the common dating sense, but we hung out and literally "saw" each other occasionally. And I am going to deeply miss that.

I was talking to another friend of mine and claimed that I need to find a summer fling to help me forget him. Said friend, who was a guy, then asked if that was a not so subtle hint. I told him, no, and no offense. I really need to find a guy that will take my mind off of him. A guy to have a crush on, to think of at night. And maybe a new cuddle buddy. Maybe when he comes back over the summer I'll make him jealous with my new guy. Or my new cuddle buddy. Or whatever there is. Or maybe he'll just come back and I'll run into his arms crying about how much I missed him when he was gone.

That would be pretty pathetic. Lets avoid that.

I could always cuddle with before mentioned friend, that always works. We're pretty close... and I wouldn't mind having a mini fling with him, but he would never take my mind off of him. I just don't like him like that. I need the anxious, heart wrenching crush to make me forget. Or at least to channel the energy in another direction. Maybe if I learned how to control this energy, it would make my life a lot easier. But who wants easy? It's more exciting this way. Yay for exciting?



I feel like I'm going to fail my Fluids class... but at least now it's over. I took the final today, and I'm happy I don't have to worry about it anymore, but I'm kinda worried i may need to worry about it for another quarter. That would not make a happy camper. Also, this final made me miss dancing at Madonna. Not so happy about that either. But that couldn't be fixed. Another final 7-10 pm tomorrow and Wednesday. Again, not a very happy camper. And then the easiest final on Friday, with an extra day to study in between. I would love to take Thursday off and just veg out, but I should probably study. Maybe I'll take the text book down to the pool and read. When I get too hot I'll just jump in and swim around for a while. Maybe I can wear my new swim suit and get a tan!

By this point he'll be gone. And my heart will likely be aching. *oww*

He's not even staying long enough to come to blues on Wednesday night. I don't know what's up with him. He claims that he's still hungover from Friday and tired. He just needs to get home as soon as possible. Maybe I should just stop talking to him now before he leaves so that when he leaves its not a huge jolt. That would be really painful. Blues is not going to be the same without him. It's going to be like something is missing. And something WILL be missing.

This sucks. I need to stop sulking. Okay, new guy, I'm ready to be found!




I'm ready when you are, come and get it.