Crush Rejected

You know how they say that you always want what you can't have? Well two of my most recent crushes have recently gotten into relationships. Which kind of hurts. I was hooked on Paul for a good 2-3 months and now he's dating someone else. He's so nonchalant about it too. He just came in and was like, "So you don't here it from anyone else, Me and Shannon are dating now. As of, about an hour ago." I flipped out. I was in complete shock. And it does hurt. I know that we would never work and I don't know if I even really want to date him, but I've never seen him while in a relationship before, and I don't think I like it.

I really wish I could just find someone that I liked that liked me and I could just have a relationship already. Maybe that would make all this easier. Find someone that I actually care about, so that other people's relationships don't bother me as much. *sigh*

I'm really not sure WHY it hurts so much, and that's what's confusing me. I don't really like Zack anymore, haven't for a little while. And I don't really like Paul anymore either. Halfway through the summer when I saw him in July my feelings came rushing back from nowhere, and I was expecting it. But when we came back to school I was expecting it again, and it wasn't there. And Zack was a really small crush anyways, and that went away pretty quickly. But I guess they're all kind of rushing back right now since I don't have any other crushes to distract me. I think maybe I wasn't so affected by Paul at the beginning of the year because at that point I really like Bill, but now I'm over that.

It's kind of weird to think that I don't have any real crushes right now. At least, not any that I put energy into because they're around all the time. The only crush I think I have right now is Eric, and that only actually makes a difference when I'm in LA because that's where he is. Which, I can't wait to go back and see him over break. The only thing in my way: Finals week. Ugh.

It would be nice to have some random person ask me out or tell me they liked me right now, maybe it would take my mind off all of this. It just all hit me really fast. I found out about Zack a couple days ago, and Paul today. And it's not like I have a problem with the people they are dating. I like them fine. They're both great girls and I'm friends with one and know I would be friends with the other one if I actually knew her. Maybe I'm just selfish that I don't want my guy friends dating other girls. Oh well.


Someday I'll find someone of my own... And have a healthy relationship. Unlike the last one.